Gideon Helf: accused member of illuminati?

By Margot Su

Tuesday morning, front running candidate Gideon Helf was found to be a member of the illuminati. Spectators of one of his recent debates overheard him talking with his fellow illuminati behind stage beforehand. Before he closed his jacket, witnesses saw a glimpse of the familiar triangle badge with an eye emblazoned in the middle: the sign of the illuminati.

After he entered on stage, the gossip media received access to backstage cameras and overheard the voice of Helf whisper “Stop calling me Gideon, my real name is Jerry.” After further research, the media discovered that illuminati members commonly conceal their identification through fake names and other disguised personal features.

Cabral, another candidate in the same office noted upon hearing the news: “That sounds very suspicious, I tend to be respectful towards all of my candidates, but a member of the illuminati doesn’t seem like someone who is a good fit for the presidency.”

The Daily Derenberger has yet to update this article on further information.